To forgive someone means that one steps out of that situation consciously and feels nothing towards it anymore, it means that one’s conscious power detached from that and one has no feelings or emotions or thoughts towards it. Whether one is in that position or not, one decides. But any human being can step out of any situation or memory and discard it as not important, yet the problem lies in recurring feelings and memories about it. So one is to work with them. One may use compassion and thinking of people as if they were children having no idea what they do, or that they simply do out of ignorance. How can one then be angry with them? True forgiveness requires the attitude of a true mother.
True forgiveness is a letting go, it is the act of letting go of something within one’s own awareness. Whether one feels justified or righteous to hold a feeling of resentment against someone within self, at the end of the day, it is still within self that that resentment is held and this resentment will always serve as an emotional weight that pulls self down into self-pity, relational discord and internal dramas.
When one truly perceives the root of negative harmful action as being the distorted emotional patterns and tendencies within self then one sees that everyone is innocent at the root. The root of all evil is ignorance. When ones comes to this understanding, and when one feels wronged by someone else, one does not perceive it as evil or an attack, but rather as simple ignorance and the action that that ignorance gives rise to.
When one cannot forgive self then one certainly cannot forgive others. Because to forgive self means to truly understand the reason why one acted in a certain way. One must perceive the fact that however badly one may have acted and with whatever cruel or spiteful intention, it is all rooted in the same thing: an inability to see the world and others as a consciousness-reflection of one’s own inner distortions. When one does not perceive the world in this way then there will always be something to protect and there will always be a potential enemy ‘out there’.
When one acts as a responsible being then one allows others the freedom to act how they want, yet one does not give to others the right to hurt or wound self. One simply manages their own space of consciousness and if someone acts in a certain way which hurts one then one may choose to draw a boundary or take a distance from that being. One chooses what one is prepared to accept within one’s own space, yet there is no resentment that is held on to and no emotional story that is prolonged. One clearly sees that it is the other being who must first forgive themselves and see from where the harmful action has sprang forth from.
Thus, the act of true forgiveness always starts with self. And it is not a case of making a judgement of whether another is guilty or not. True forgiveness is but natural when one dwells in the space of equanimous contentment and has a deep understanding of how ignorance manifests the negativity and self-destruction that is projected outwards onto others. But it is always one’s choice what one chooses to accept within one’s own space.
If one wants to forgive then one should first learn to forgive self and dwell in one’s own natural being and contentment. If one wants to be forgiven then one should first learn to forgive self and genuinely see the roots of the action that one wants to be forgiven for. Either way the act of true forgiveness is rooted in seeing and refining the distortions within self and then resting in one’s own natural being which is the space of constant renewal and pure unconditional forgiveness.